One of the hardest things to transition to when you pass into the Best Third is the lack of a schedule. Entering the last third means leaving things that you probably worked for your entire life behind, including facing an empty nest or retirement from a career. When you’re young, you are asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” When you’re in high school, you are asked “What are your plans after graduation?” In college, you pick a career path and think about a life post-education. As each of these decisions is made, another path closes. After spending years planning for a future in order to retire and enjoy life, that “some day” has arrived.
There is a bittersweet element to this, but nature hates a vacuum. The good news is we get to decide what that void is filled with. We can dwell on what is past or appreciate the thrill of knowing there are still things for which to strive for as we age. It’s up to everyone to figure out what their focus will be and continue to live life in a positive way. It is a time to look back at what one has achieved and know that it is not too late to achieve new goals and have new adventures.
I went to school with an oncology nurse who told me that the three most common regrets that her patients verbalized at the end of their lives were:
Not traveling when they had the chance
Not spending enough time with family and friends
Not pursuing an education
It seems to me the entire focus of your life changes when facing an empty nest and the end of a career. This is a time to look forward and do some of the things that time or finances precluded during the building years, without the pressures associated with it.
Relationships
Since I am retired, I have more time to nurture relationships. Family is the most important thing to me. Relationships matter. Family history matters. In my previous posts I have talked about the pain of estrangement, but I have stopped dwelling on this. While I cannot control other people’s decisions or reactions, I can choose to spend time with people who want to spend time with me. I have stopped worrying about the people who choose not to be in my life and started putting my energy into relationships that are reciprocal. It has been a difficult journey, but life changing.
Education
Age is never a reason to not pursue a goal, especially an educational goal. When I was 23 years old, I had one semester of college under my belt, and I had seen all of my friends from high school graduate college and start their lives. I felt left behind, and I thought I could never catch up. I went to a party one night, and I was talking to a friend about this, when a man overheard me saying, “I don’t know if it’s worth it to go back to school now, I’ll be so old by the time I finish.” This guy turned around and said, “How old will you be if you don’t go back?” and left the room. That man eventually became my husband and supported my educational goals while we built a life together. I have been very fortunate that I was able to pursue my education. I had a late start, but I became an RN with an associate’s degree, followed by a bachelor’s degree and finally a master’s degree, which I finished at the age of 41.
In my experience, achieving my educational goals was the key to what I wanted to ultimately achieve in life. I was able to provide for my family, and it gave me the ability to travel. Because of my career, I was able to retire a few years early and focus my extra time on family and friendships. I was a little nervous about retiring, fearing I would be bored, but the opposite has occurred. I find my days to be full and satisfying.
Travel
While I enjoy traveling, there are so many more places that I want to experience. I have put off trips because of financial concerns while raising a family, not being able to get time off from work, or not being able to coordinate my vacation time with other family members. My biggest regret is not going to Ireland in 2019 when my daughter was doing a semester abroad in college. She still had a year left of college, and I was nervous about spending the money on an overseas trip. My husband and I decided we would go back to Ireland after she graduated. The pandemic hit, and that trip didn’t actually happen until 2024. I promised myself that I would never postpone a trip I wanted to take again.
We will all eventually lose health and physical function, making some trips more difficult to take than others. In order to live life to the fullest in the Best Third, take the physically strenuous trips first. Travel, like education, changes you. It’s supposed to do that. Experiencing another culture opens up new ideas, a fresh way of looking at the world. It makes life richer.
It’s difficult to rebuild after a significant loss, whether that is a relationship, a person or a career. Being an empty-nester or a retiree are both major life changes that have elements of loss associated with them. It’s important to come to terms with those changes and keep a forward-looking mindset. Continue to live the best life you can even in the last third. Do the scary thing or the hard thing and make this time of life the Best Third. By doing this, one can avoid the major three regrets.
