Wedding Planning

We had gotten to the point of budget discussions.

“We can contribute $10,000 to your wedding budget, “ I offer. Very
generously, I thought.

“Does that include the rehearsal dinner?” Son asked.

“Yes. That includes everything. We can afford to contribute $10,000.” I
say with what I hope was and edge of finality in my voice.

“When can you get us the money?” Still no “thank you” I noticed, but I
would be patient. I was sure it was coming, right? $10,000 is still a lot
of money, isn’t it? I’m doubting myself now.

“Well, I’ll give it to you over the next year. The wedding is still over a
year away, and since your sister is in college, I’m sorry, Son, I do not have
a lump sum to hand over at this moment.”
“Oh.” Son says. A note of disappointment in his voice, resigned to his fate
of a parental easy payment plan. “Well, Bride’s parent’s have $14,000
they can give us today.”

My jaw drops. Thankfully not visible over the phone. I do the math
quickly in my head. $24,000. As a starting budget. For a one day event.
In my quick calculations this will not include my dress or my high school
and college aged daughter’s dresses that I will have to buy because they
have no incomes, but who are included in the wedding. And this is just
off the top of my head. Still no “thank you.”
“I’ll have to talk to Bride about this and let you know.”
“O.K. honey, talk to you soon.”

Why didn’t I say – are you fucking kidding me??!! How about a thank
you for the kind and generous gift? No, I did not say that. Yes, I was
thinking it, but I was hoping for a drama free wedding. I love my son
and really liked, at the time, his then fiancé e and his now wife. She was ambitious planner juxtaposed against his easygoing
neuroticism, the safe harbor for him in the storm that mainly
exists in his own mind.

Jump to a few days later – “Hi, Mom!”
“Hi, Honey, how is everything?”
“I talked to Bride about the wedding budget, and after she crunched the
numbers, we can’t include the rehearsal dinner in the amount you are
offering us.”

There really are no words to describe my reaction, so stunned silence
will have to suffice.
“Well, I guess we can probably swing that, but it’s got to be someplace
close to home, no place extravagant.”

I know, I know. This would have been the time to say, “I’m sorry son, but
I do not have to crunch the numbers to know I cannot afford a penny
more than $10,000 and if you give me a “thank you” right now, I’ll forget
this entitled conversation ever happened.

Again, I was going for family harmony. This was just the beginning.
Perhaps in the true fashion of the extorted, I thought if I gave them what
they wanted, they would be happy and peace would reign. Like anyone
who has ever been blackmailed knows, it never ends – they always come
back for more.

“Thanks, Mom, we really appreciate this.”

That’s all I wanted.